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February 12, 2009 at
09:26:48 AM
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Joined:
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02/27/2007
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468
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Little Jimmy was riding his bike and was approached by a cop riding a horse,
the cop asks Jimmy if Santa got him the bike for x-mas
Jimmy replied he sure did as the cop wrote him a ticket
as the cop handed him the ticket he told Jimmy to tell Santa
to put a taillight on it next time, Jimmy said ok and asked the cop if Santa
got him that horse for x-mas, cop said"yep he sure did", Jimmy says "well you might want to tell
Santa the dick goes on the bottom of the horse"!
The older I get, the faster I used to be.
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February 12, 2009 at
10:02:11 AM
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Joined:
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11/26/2004
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3334
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LOL
Save your butt, get a colon screening TODAY
For complete line of Sponsor Awards check out
MarshallTownLaser.com
Duane Davis
Laser Engraving
641-751-7777
101 N Center
Marshalltown, Iowa
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February 12, 2009 at
11:03:49 AM
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Joined:
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11/26/2004
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3334
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Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed,honouring the least evolved among us
Here is the glorious winner:
1.
When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked
And now, the honourable mentions:
2.
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3.
A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4.
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5.
An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6.
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15.
[If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7.
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8.
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9.
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan , at 5 A.M, flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10.
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with your friends and family... Unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.
*** Remember... They walk among us!!!
Save your butt, get a colon screening TODAY
For complete line of Sponsor Awards check out
MarshallTownLaser.com
Duane Davis
Laser Engraving
641-751-7777
101 N Center
Marshalltown, Iowa
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February 12, 2009 at
11:15:20 AM
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Joined:
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11/26/2004
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3334
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50TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY!
A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.
"Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad" gushed son number one.."Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift."
"Not to worry" said the father, "the important thing is that we're all together today."
Son number two arrived and announced "You and Mom look great Dad". I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you".
"It's nothing," said the father."We're glad you were able to come."
Just then the daughter arrived. "Hello and Happy Anniversary! I'm sorry but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything."
After they finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this we were able to send each of you to college.Throughout the years your mother and I knew we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married."
The three children gasped and all said, "You mean we're bastards?"
"Yep," said the father, "and cheap ones too."
Save your butt, get a colon screening TODAY
For complete line of Sponsor Awards check out
MarshallTownLaser.com
Duane Davis
Laser Engraving
641-751-7777
101 N Center
Marshalltown, Iowa
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February 12, 2009 at
02:33:28 PM
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Joined:
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11/26/2004
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3334
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This is so beautiful: A little boy says to his mother, "Mommy, how
come I'm black and
you're white?"
His mother replied, " Don't even go there! From what I can
remember about that f**king party, you're lucky you don't bark!
Save your butt, get a colon screening TODAY
For complete line of Sponsor Awards check out
MarshallTownLaser.com
Duane Davis
Laser Engraving
641-751-7777
101 N Center
Marshalltown, Iowa
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February 12, 2009 at
04:19:10 PM
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Joined:
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04/18/2005
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4764
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thats funny stuff nodust. especially the top 10 thing.........thats great
How much would could a wouldchuck chuck if a
wouldchuck could chuck would
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February 12, 2009 at
07:48:17 PM
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Joined:
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02/12/2009
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138
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That is funny shit right there Nodust.
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February 12, 2009 at
07:59:10 PM
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Joined:
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12/03/2006
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7918
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hilarious!
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