CORNELIUS, NC --- Michael Waltrip Racing announced Friday morning that driver Michael Waltrip is being relieved of driving duties in the number 55 NAPA-sponsored Toyota Camry. Waltrip has missed four of the season’s first five races, and has a season point total of negative 27 after incurring a 100 point penalty for a fuel additive that was discovered in his car’s intake manifold after qualifying for the Daytona 500 in February. “We simply can’t continue on the path we find ourselves on,” stated an obviously dejected Waltrip, “and the time has come for a change. I’ve decided to release myself from my driving contract, and begin the search for a replacement.” No possible replacements were named, and any potential candidates would have to first be approved by Toyota Racing Development officials.
Michael Waltrip’s struggles as a driver began in 1985, and have continued through to the present day. Despite a handful of super speedway wins in DEI-prepared Chevrolets, including a pair of Daytona 500 victories, Waltrip’s career has been marked mostly by mediocre finishes and several memorable television commercials.
When asked if the controversy surrounding this year’s Daytona 500 had anything to do with the decision, Waltrip reminded that he is still working on finding out exactly who placed the fuel additive in his Toyota. “Just like OJ’s tireless hunt for his wife’s killer, we’ll continue to follow the leads until we find out once and for all, just who it was that actually made our car seem competitive during Daytona 500 qualifying.”
Ads for car parts, guns, rent-to-own furniture, and other necessities for the NASCAR fan still grace the Michael Waltrip Racing website, reminding visitors that Waltrip’s effectiveness as a pitch man can still lure advertisers into signing million dollar endorsement deals despite his complete inability to competitively drive a stock car at the sport’s highest level.
Despite his firing, Michael tried to remain upbeat. “It’s not cool to be fired by yourself, and it’s really uncool to have to fire yourself,” said Waltrip in a statement that was clear only to himself, “but you have to remind yourself to look at the bright side. We’ve got some really cool things going on at the Raceworld shop this summer where the fans will be able to participate in some actual shop activities. That is, if we still have a shop this summer.”
story by Stroker Ace copied from 4m
Just a APRIL FOOL'S JOKE for y'all
