Forum: SCRAFAN.COM Forum (go)
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Thought maybe a few of you would enjoy this.

Imagine a little telepathic trip to the White Front in the Sky with some of the old guard as we bring Jimmy Bryan, Eddie Sachs, Jud Larson, Don Branson and Bobby Marshman up to speed on today's racing headlines.

A.J. Foyt hosts this séance and immediately stirs up the boys.

Foyt: "To be quite truthful, I'm not sure y'all aren't in a better place considering all the stuff that's happened."

Branson: "Such as?"

Foyt: "Do you want me to start with girls in the cars or Indy qualifying or that boy from Brazil who likes to dance?"

Marshman: "Girls, you mean like Linda Vaughn?"

Foyt: "No, I mean like Danica Patrick. She led Indy a couple years ago and damn near won the race. Now she's the biggest thing we've got. Hell, she's the ONLY thing we've got."

Bryan: "Women ain't allowed in the pits."

Foyt: "That all changed in the 1970s. Then I let Janet Guthrie drive my car."

Sachs: "Wait a minute. Women can drive Indy cars and YOU gave one of them a ride?"

Foyt: "It was a favor to Mr. Hulman. Women burned their bras and got real uppity in the '70s and we had to let 'em in Gasoline Alley."

Larson: "During the day?"

Foyt: "Hell yes, I think Betty Rutherford was the first one in and now they're everywhere. They do PR, television, a few of them work on cars and we had three of 'em in this year's Indy 500."

Branson: "You mean three in Gasoline Alley?"

Foyt: "No, I mean three in the starting lineup."

Branson (signals for a double scotch): "The only way that could have happened is that there were only 33 cars."

Foyt: "You got it. And nobody gets bumped anymore, unless you count that new qualifying format where each car gets three chances every day."

Larson (chugging two beers and ordering another): "What are you talking about? You only get three attempts with one car and the last time I tried there were 66 cars going for 33 spots. Why in hell would the Speedway do that?"

Foyt: "They're trying to get people to come back for practice and qualifying."

Marshman: "Let me get this straight. Women are strong enough to drive at Salem, Winchester, Dayton, Langhorne, DuQuoin, Springfield, Sacramento and Indy?"

Sachs: "Let me guess, they've got power steering."

Foyt: "Well, one of 'em supposedly did a couple times but so did my driver."

Branson: "You got a sprint car winner drivin' for you A.J.?"

Foyt: "Not exactly. He's from England and talks kinda funny. But he's a good road racer."

Sachs: "Jimmy Clark is still driving?"

Marshman: "Why would Indy cars be on road courses? What's wrong with Phoenix, Trenton, Langhorne?"

Bryan: "My head is spinning. You're telling us that a woman is allowed to drive an Indy car? One of them led the Indy 500? Clint Brawner wouldn't let his wife drive their passenger car. Surely he doesn't go for that."

Foyt: "No, Clint's been gone a while but he was around for Janet."

Larson: "Stop it. I'm getting depressed. What are you gonna tell us next? Drivers are hugging and kissing each other in victory lane?"

Foyt: "Oh that's happens all the time. That's nothing. Now we've got a two-time Indy winner who was on TV the other night and he was dressed in a tuxedo and he twirling some girl around and smiling and, you know, actin' like Fred Astaire."

Sachs: "What's wrong with that?"

Branson: "Shut up Eddie. Now listen Foyt, I've listened to about all the B.S. I can. What are you talking about? We were all gunfighters. We didn't dance, we worked on cars, we fought, we drank, we went down the road and we raced. What would make a man do something like that?"

Foyt: "Well, like I said, we got a lot of momma's boys in racin' today. This Castranever is a furriner and I always thought he was a little light on his feet anyway and way too happy. But I guess he's dancing to help our TV ratings 'cause they pretty much suck anymore."

Marshman: "People don't watch Indy cars?"

Foyt: "They're all watching NASCAR."

Larson: "That makes no sense. Stock cars are slow and boring compared to Indy cars. Hell, USAC has a better stock car division."

Foyt: "Not anymore. It went away. Just like the dirt cars from the Champ Car schedule."

Sachs: "Well if they don't run on the dirt anymore, how do USAC guys make a living?"

Foyt: "They go to NASCAR."

Branson: "That's enough. No more. You're telling us that women drive Indy cars, the Indy 500 is no big deal, stock cars are the most popular form of racing and there's a two-time Indy winner hopping around a stage on national television like Arthur Murray?"

Bryan: "Leave me in the ground."

Larson: "Same here."

Marshman: "Ditto."

Sachs: "You know, I marched with the Gordon Pipers every May and I played piano at the White Front so I don't see anything wrong with a guy who wants to do a little dancing."

Foyt: "That's why Parnelli socked you in the eye."

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true. 

LMAO

sad but true story

thanks Kenny

ROB

I respectively disagree with this nostalgic claptrap. This is the great age of racing. Robin Miller is amusing but he substitutes cynism for wisdom. We need more people like Economaci who boosts not knocks. NASCAR is better to watch than stick and ball sports, and look how many of our sprint car heroes have risen to fame and fortune with NASCAR. Stewart and Kahne are able to invest serious dough in sprints and midgets. Look at all the stars they have brought to us, Wise, Stanbrouth, Yeley, Leffler and many others. I think the drivers we have today are better. All other sports athletes are better and racing is no exception. Being an old phart myself I recognise the tendency of old folks to believe old times were the best times. However as a reader of history I cannot see a time in the past when things were better than they are now or will be. As for lady racers, we have good lady racers today; Hobie Conway, Nadine Gardner, Shannon McQeen et al.The worst thing about the old days was too many deaths in the sport. It is very rare that we have drivers killed, better safety equipment.

Dave,

Are you calling me an OLD PHART?????

ROB

If the foo S---ts wear it!

Though I certainly agree that there were way to many deaths I hardly think that our boy's going to NASCAR for fame and fortune is a good thing for our sport . I watched JJ grow up at Manzy and he drove at Indy before he drove for Stewart and Leffler made his name in the #9 Midget. In NASCAR they don't even start the fastest cars and they sure don't have the best drivers that they could have behind the wheels of those things. Jeff Gorden, Tony Stewart, Kenny Irwin, Shrader, Ryan Newman, Mike Bliss, Dave Blaney and more, didn't need a former sprint car driver as a benefactor to make it in that series. Remember, both Foyt and Andretti won the Daytona 500. I'm glad those guys are giving back to the sport but I hardly think it's worth the trade off, not by a long shot. Any idiot can see why they drive those things though.. $$$$$

Better today? I can make a fine list of drivers from the past that could run with the best of them today, easy. It was a different time and a different bread of cat in some way's... Tougher? Maybe.. Not to say some of the boys I'll see at the Copper on dirt wouldn't have fit right into that era, they would. Who might that be guys?

Once in awhile a kid comes along and reminds us of one those boys from the past and when we see him we know right away that he will be a good one. Hockett for instance. Better? Hardly.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.