If I ever needed a brain transplant, Id choose a sportswriter because Id want a brain that had never been used.- Norm Van Brocklin When I was 13, I transferred to a new school for the first time. I had spent ten years from junior kindergarten through Grade 8 at the northwest corner of Bathurst Street and Viewmount Avenue in midtown Toronto. It was my home court advantage. I knew the roll of the rims and the carom of the walls and which teachers were lax at taking attendance. It couldnt last forever. At some point a promotion was coming, and my record setting minor league career wouldnt matter once new maths and makeup-laden girls challenged all that I had honed. I was heading to St. Andrews Junior High. Grade 9. The Show. Embarking on my first day in the wilds of the public school system, I knew I had to make my mark early. Mr. Pelech, my clever English teacher, noticed my t-shirt just minutes into the first class. It was a tattered, ink-drenched Grateful Dead concert tee. He remarked that "Grateful Dead" was an example of a contradiction. Contra what now? Coach tapped my shoulder and I hopped the boards. I proceeded to argue with a shellshocked Mr. Pelech for several minutes. My arguments were lithe, varied and completely illogical, but I had been trained to stand my ground no matter how ridiculous my position. Eventually, a hapless Mr. Pelech scanned the class and sputtered, "Just who is this guy?" Each one of my classmates shook their heads sheepishly as if to say uh, dont look at me. Mark made. Within two weeks I owned that school. They didnt realize the repressed explosiveness that ten years of private school Yiddish lessons would unleash. It is in this brazen spirit I introduce myself to you now, Dear Reader, as your new weekly columnist for Bardown. Why was I chosen as The One to guide you through the international sports landscape, particularly with so many scribes vying for your sports-saturated eyeballs? Commence the elucidation (AKA bring da noize): Basketball. This is my wheelhouse. I know all the lyrics to Kurtis Blows Basketball and I have for decades. I own a Sweet Georgia Brown-humming Harlem Globetrotters pinball machine from 1979. I still play pickup every week at a local high school against stiff competition in their very extremely late twenties. Also, I was an associate producer for the Toronto Towers of the NBA for nearly 500 games, post-games, pre-games and exactly five playoff games. Ooh, another thing, I call the Toronto Raptors the Toronto Towers because I have some self-respect. Baseball. I spent five teenage summers selling peanuts outside the Dome under the alias Mike Simmons. Despite a promising career as a sidearm Eephus pitch-throwing specialist, the leagues advanced scouts were never able to unravel the mysteries of my potential, because apparently throwing over the plate was a "prerequisite for success". Racists. I submit that using the All Star Game to decide home field advantage in the World Series is akin to the winner of the submission portion of Americas Funniest Home Videos determining the nominees for The Oscars Best Picture award. Also, you can thank me for getting the old Blue Jays logo back, as days after writing this piece, the marketing director for the Jays was following me on Twitter, and months later a new logo was born. Also, my therapist says I have something called a narcissistic personality disorder. Football. In 1998, I moved to Los Angeles to pursue the dream of being rich and famous which is why you know me so well today. That same year I became a fan of an upstart outfit known as the Baltimore Ravens because I thought Ray Lewis was almost definitely innocent of murder and I am obsessed with Edgar Allan Poe. Fifteen glorious seasons later I have two championship rings (made of foil and buttons) as my testament. I have correctly predicted, in pre-season, the Super Bowl participants for 13 consecutive years and I defy you to prove otherwise. (Note: Please dont reference my Twitter feed. Just be cool. This claim is all I have.) Hockey. I worked camera on the 2003 documentary A Day in the Life of the Maple Leafs so I know a thing or two about hockey. Well, exactly two things. One, when I was eight years old, my teenage neighbour convinced me his Mats Naslund rookie card could be mine for the extremely low price of my 1979 O-Pee-Chee Wayne Gurtski rookie card. (Note: I have forgotten how to spell that particular Edmonton Oilers name. At least my night terrors have subsided.) Two, I have developed an algorithm demonstrating the NHL to be the worst run league in the history of Industry. It involves a complicated geometric measurement involving my eyes and common sense. (A fact I will gladly prove over and over again until they, oh I dont know, realign the conferences to have an equal amount of teams. Lets start there.) Fantasy Sports. I Am Legend. In its heyday of 2001, my sprawling website, mikegallay.com, was a sports fantasy powerhouse boasting 16 writers covering all sports, catering to an audience of nearly 16 unique daily readers (and fans of ravines who misspelled mygulley.com). Chances are, if you were a Canadian sports fan in the early 2000s, you were reading articles about topics we also covered on mikegallay.com. The Professor And Mary Ann. I will happily cover all the secondary sports every time a participant either murders someone, is attacked by a spouse using the tools of their own sport, has sex on camera on TMZ, or breaks an important racial, cultural or gender barrier while also keeping our interest for more than eight minutes. Thats my pledge. Am I the precisely correct author to bring you whimsical, satirical, deadly accurate analysis of the sports that matter to you? Absolutely. And can I say that with total sincerity because part of my contract stipulates I have no editor? Two for two. Have I earned your attention to read my column next week? Lets put it this way. My topic will be 23 Ways to Make Over 7K a Week Working Part Time From Your Couch. My third column will be Bardown Seeks New Columnist, No Experience Required. Gallays Poll #1 What would you like to see Gallay write about in his next column? a) A 20,000-word essay conclusively proving Mike is the third Williams sister. b) Doug Gilmours Secret Recipes for 3am Snacks. c) My Weekend In The Hamptons With Barry Bonds. d) No column, just use this space to expand Badminton coverage. Adidas Originals Dragon Trainers. In Europe, top teams seem to be largely happy with their squads after spending nearly $1 billion in the off-season. And although English league clubs are unlikely to splash cash in January, Arsenal and Chelsea could be tempted to strengthen their squads with new strikers. Adidas Originals Zx Flux Baskets.Chase Lang had a goal and an assist for the Hitmen (19-11-3) while Beck Malenstyn, Layne Bensmiller and Adam Tambellini added a goal apiece.Dillon Dube scored the lone goal for the Rockets (26-5-3), who had their five-game win streak halted. http://www.chaussuresnikesoldefr.com/nike-free-5-0.html. Thud. Dreams of the glory days returning to Anfield have gone as quickly as they came. Nike Roshe Run Femme. The Skeeters said Thursday that the 34-year-old McGrady will be on a limited pitch count. He last pitched in an exhibition game last month, allowing three hits in an inning against Alvin Community College. Adidas Zx 750 Bleu Pas Cher. A person familiar with the decision told The Associated Press the Steelers will part ways with the former Pro Bowler, a move that hardly serves as a surprise after fifth-year linebacker Jason Worilds agreed to accept a "transition player" tag last week.INDIANAPOLIS - This could be as good a time as there has ever been for an openly gay player in the NFL. The league will be watching. In the wake of the bullying scandal in Miami, executives from teams around the league who gathered for the annual scouting combine spoke Thursday about being on guard to ensure their locker rooms are respectful and tolerant — especially with Michael Sam, expected to soon become the first publicly revealed homosexual in the NFL. Predictably, general managers and coaches said a culture of respect was already in place with their clubs before Richie Incognito, the Dolphins offensive lineman who led the extreme hazing detailed last week in an NFL-ordered report, became an infamous name. But while there havent been many major signs of response to the scandal, some tangible signs of change have at least emerged. Teams have begun to include language in coaches contracts that forces assistants to act with more tolerance than some of the Dolphins staff did. The move is designed to limit a teams liability if another Miami-like situation were to emerge with another club. Vikings general manager Rick Spielman confirmed that change, first reported by ESPN. "I think because its so much in light right now, that you have to monitor the locker room," Spielman said. "Itll be interesting to see once we get down to the owners meetings in March. Im sure thatll be a subject thatll be talked about." Dolphins coach Joe Philbin, drawing an overflow crowd of reporters in his first appearance since the report came out, forcefully reiterated his responsibility for all that happens to his team and promised a "better workplace." "I have to do a better job. Im going to look at every way — the way we educate, the way we communicate, the way we talk to one another," Philbin said. "Im going to look at every avenue." Reaction from the other 31 teams to the bullying report was far more muted, though other coaches — Dennis Allen of the Oakland Raiders among them — acknowledged the importance of keeping a better handle on locker room dynamics. Everyone, though, must deal with the questions about Sam, the Missouri defensive end projected to be drafted in the middle rounds. The NFL recently reminded teams of laws against asking draft prospects about their sexuality and the guidelines for interviewing players this week in Indianapolis.dddddddddddd A year ago, three players complained they were asked inappropriate questions they believed were intended to seek details about their sexual orientation. Talking about harmony is easy in the off-season, of course, but maintaining an atmosphere of respect and tolerance is another story once dozens of players are thrown together. With a 53-man roster, no coach can come close to hearing every word. "Its hard. You try to set a good culture and a good environment in your building and hope for the best," Denver Broncos coach John Fox said. Clearly, this issue will be scrutinized this year, with Sam entering the league, and the Dolphins trying to repair their image. "What happened there has nothing to do with what we are doing in Tampa Bay," new Buccaneers coach Lovie Smith said. "The locker room has been there all along. You have to have strong veteran leadership in the locker room. As the head football coach I have to have a pulse on what is going on in the locker room. Rely on a lot of people. Have a relationship were information comes to me. "No, we are not going to change what weve done. Our program has always been about acceptance. Everybody feeling like they are part. Everybody feeling good about coming to work every day in an environment where they can do their best." That is what this next class of rookies is counting on. "In every locker room you go theres going to be conflict," Memphis punter Tom Hornsey said. "Thats just the nature of the game. Its very competitive. Its got a lot of testosterone flowing through. ... But its not a concern. Im pretty laid back and just take it as it is." So whats the secret, then, to making sure the boys-will-be-boys culture that still exists doesnt become the dominant vibe of the locker room? Well, like with many issues, the Super Bowl champions are usually a good place to start. "Everybody puts pressure on themselves, and we try to create a culture thats outgoing, fun, aggressive," Seattle Seahawks general manager John Schneider said. "Lifes too short to stress yourself out and stress other people out." China Jerseys? Cheap Jerseys?Cheap Jerseys?Cheap NFL Jerseys Cheap Jerseys Cheap NFL Jerseys Cheap NFL Jerseys ' ' '