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A guy walks into a bar and hears the most beautiful piano music ever,he ask the bartender where its coming from.
Bartender replies"back here behind the bar" the man looks behind the bar and sees a midget playing a little piano, he ask bartender where he got him, to witch the bartender replies he has a magic lamp and made a wish. The man ask if he can make a wish also and bartender agrees.
When the genie appears the man wishs for a million bucks, genie tells him to go home and his wish will be there. Man runs home and opens door and million ducks fly out.
man goes back to bar and tells bartender your genie is hard of hearing,Bartender says "no shit you thought I wished for a 12" long pianist."
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Not really jokes, but I can see these actually being true.
Number One Idiot of 2006
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that
the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter
into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation
happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order
to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
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Number Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they
noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the
chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the
raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
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Number Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the
Branch and wrote this: "Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in
line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that
someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he
reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the
street to the Wells Fargo Bank . After waiting a few minutes in line, he
handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from
his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told
him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a
Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out
a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was
arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably could n't read it
anyway.
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Number Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that;
measured his speed us ing radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead
of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several
days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another
picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Wise guy........ but you still get a sign
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Number Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded
all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on
the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
cashier refused and said, "Because I
don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk
still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At
this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet a nd
gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in
fact and she put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly
called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he
got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
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Idiot Number Six of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
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Idiot Number Seven of 2006
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it
over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him
unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of
Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
Yep, Here's your sign
(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORH OOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We
recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to
request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The
reason:
"Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
From Kingman , KS
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IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and
ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal
lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. He was a
Chef?
Yep...From Kansas City !
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IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when
an
airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage
without your knowledge? To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge,
how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
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IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to
cross the street . I was crossing with an intellectually challenged
coworker of mine. &n bsp; She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
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IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker
who
was leaving the company due to" downsizing", our manager commented
cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."
Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with
that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
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IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power
strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand
why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office no less.
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IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile
dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked
in it. We went to the service department and found a m echanic working
feverishly to unlock the driver' side door. As I watched from the
passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered
that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already
got that side."
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton, Mississippi!
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